August 12, 2010
One time, Van Damme's
Lady got raped to death;
His killer got acquitted,
So he shot the motherfucker.
Van Damme's in Russia, see,
And he's gunna be in jail
For a long time, gee!
This is one to review.
It goes like this:
Van Damme doesn't play
By the rules.
They try to fuck him up.
His wife's killer
Wants to cornhole him.
Gets poofy-hair kid instead.
Big black guy disapproves.
Van takes a lot of bullshit,
Even gets locked in a room with it.
One day he fights back,
And for once, wins.
Cue jailfights;
Cue betting.
It's Russia,
So the guards are in on it.
Van Damme bites a bitch;
It's the rapist!
Go, dude, go.
That asshole is dead.
Poofy kid gets killed,
Van Damme hears his last words.
Van Damme stops fighting
Physically, and fights with abstaining.
Shit gets real
When Van Damme fights
The tongueless moaner
Next door.
Slapping code is initiated,
Tongueless dude realizes
That Van Damme
Is his shit-hole compadre.
Guards disapprove,
Riot ensues.
Prisoners, attack!
Plot takes up slack!
Flee, Van Damme --
Flee with the big
Black bear.
Flee, so obviously!
Van Damme drives out,
No one notices,
Or finds out.
Bear gets revenge.
The ending screen
Tells us that
Because the jail was mean,
Bear's records got it shut down.
Overall:
Van Damme kicks ass,
In a jailhouse-fumble
Kind of way.
(But seriously:
What's with the magic moth?
It was hella random;
Hope, in the form of a moth?)
