August 8, 2010
Black Eagle's got the plane;
Van Damme's scenes ain't too lame.
The movie ain't about our man,
But when he shows up? Damn.
We see him do the splits,
We fear ball-taint rips.
We see him pull some romance cheese,
Go ahead -- bring it on, please!
Black Eagle's got the item,
Sneaky, sneaky, time to fight him.
Boats encroach, Eagle floats --
Bad guys are gunna get him.
Go, Eagle, Go--!
Ow, the boater got punched;
Eagle's letting him float;
Aw, poor boater-bystander!
Eagle plants.. a charge?
He swims away, pops up anyway;
They see Eagle too late --
POW POW POW POW
Boater dude is tied,
In the water.
Eagle frees him --
Kapow: bad guys fried.
Van Damme is due for a scene;
You just know it's gunna be awesome.
Pool boy death machine --
Someone's gunna be hit on.
Bring on the priest,
Cut back to Black Eagle;
Back to priest.. oh, crap:
He's being followed.
Go, priest, go--!
WHEREFORE ART VAN DAMME?
Aw, shit, priest:
You found Black Eagle!
Where ya two goin'?
This seems I should be knowin'.
Yer bein' followed, foos.
Russian dude, again?
Aw, snap, Black Eagle
Likes to be the ninja of corners.
The blond chick totally looks like
Titus' TV girlfriend.
It's 1988,
And high pants are all the rage.
What's with Van Damme wearing
Big-ass wrestling-trophy belts?
Meeting with secret agents,
Debriefing commences.
What's with all the
Super retro-cop sunglasses?
Everyone's looking
For the plane,
Crash landed just off shore.
Hoboy.
"Damnit, there have been
People killed!"
"Tell me about it!
I've killed 6 of them!"
