Why?!

WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THIS TO THE INTERNET, BILL? ISN'T THIS KIND OF LIKE RICKROLLING?

Hmm. Well, it started in August of 2011, as a followup to a similar thing I did re: Babylon 5. Both of these poems ended up on Facebook long before I was pimping them out on ebooks/similar projects. What started as a joke eventually branched in to a sort of hobby.

That, and I'm weird. I have this feeling someone else on the internet -- besides me -- will find this entertaining. But, if my page-counter has anything to say, it looks like this is the least successful of all of my little projects. (D'aww...)

BILL, WHY ARE SOME OF THESE SO DAMN LONG..?

The longer ones are the product of me writing things down as I watch the movie.. so basically, a scene by scene reaction.

HEY, BILL.. DO YOU THINK VAN DAMME HIMSELF WILL SEE THIS SHIT..?

Anything's possible. I hope if he does, he catches one wherein I'm not nitpicking clichés; I love the clichés for things like drinking games, but, what I really like is when Van Damme surprises me with a good scene, or a good role. I don't always watch the ones that evoke that reaction.. so, there are quite a few (Cyborggggggggggggggg..) wherein I seem like a bit of an asshole. But, like.. if the dude himself spotted these (Googling his name, perchance?), I'm hoping he's amused. I have a movie reviewer friend who receives signed merch from the people she reviews -- so, I'd say that the biggest daydream I have about these silly reviews is getting a signed poster of Timecop, or something.

HEY, BILL. YOU EVER THINK OF MAKING A LESS.. 'VAN DAMME ONLY' GIG OUT OF THESE SORTS OF REVIEWS?

I mulled over the idea with my friend, Michelle; she's the B-Flick Chick reviewer in my list. Michelle wasn't so hot about the idea, and really, neither was I. Mostly, I stick to hamming up quatrains about Van Damme as a sort of inside joke with me, and some of my friends. I thought they were kind of cool, so I made a little site for them. I guess this is sort of like an ebook project, only maybe a lot less dynamic.

BILLLLLLLL. I SEE THAT YOU DON'T ACTUALLY GET AROUND TO WRITING THESE POEMS VERY OFTEN.. WHAT GIVES?

They come in waves. It depends on my mood. As of [7/10/11], this site hasn't seen anything new in about 3 months. Part of the issue is that Bill's a lazy sumbitch. Lately, he's been glued to King of the Hill and True Blood, so that doesn't help.

Now that Bill's spent a while revamping the site template, maybe he'll get off his duff, and finish that poem about Derailed -- I started it on May 19th, and got interrupted, mid-movie. I just never got back around to finding my spot and finishing 'er off.

HEY, BILL. VAN DAMME'S FROM BELGIUM -- THEY SPEAK FRENCH THERE; APPARENTLY THE FRENCH THERE IS SIMILAR TO FRANCE-FRENCH. YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT DOING ONE OF THESE IN HIS NATIVE TONGUE?

Surprisingly, I just thought that up, just now. Truth be told, mon français est très mauvais, et je ai inquiétude ce mon français est tout étrange, et monsieur Van Damme (et des français hommes/filles) est non comprends mon mots. (Aussi, mon accent est MAUVAIS. Mon accent français est anglais.. anglais, et très drôle !)

Je ai apprendre français tout mon vie, mais.. je n'ai amis a parlé avec. Livres, dictionnaires.. le internet. France ai non TV shows (mais.. game shows )? Je ai des musique. Mraw.

HEY, BILL; ISN'T THIS WHOLE SITE KIND OF CREEPY-WORSHIP STUFF?

Thanks, Asian James, for the question. You know, until you pointed that out, I actually just thought this was kind of silly, and stupid. You know.. harmlessly stupid. I still think that. You know, I never really gave a thought to why I did this; I had about 5 Van Damme poems, and thought about turning it in to an ebook project, for lols.

But, then again. I forget who pointed this out -- I never loved Stephen King enough to dedicate a whole fanpage of quatrains to him.. nor Bill Hicks. Wellp. Maybe Van Damme's name is easier to rhyme?