August 8, 2010
I keep being told
That Van Damme
Had some honest-to-Jesus
Bad movies.
There's "bad", as in,
"Shit, that's so bad, it's awesome."
There's also bad, as in,
"FUKWHYDIDIWATCHTHIS?!"
(You could say
That I'm stoked
To have 20GB of material
In which to weave odes.)
I'd heard there were drugs
(I found faith, via Until Death);
It didn't fully click
Until I saw Double Impact.
The year is 1991.
Picture this:
Van-fucking-Damme
As worse-than-soap-opera twins.
Hosnap: separated at birth.
The unconvincing badass,
And the really friendly lameass.
Twins with the same scars?
Deah lawd, this was sad.
I failed to see the end; so bad.
I made it a mere 40 minutes in,
By then, no more interest to be had.
The cheese-magic
Was absent.
The cool hammy b-movie
Factor was nil.
If you want my advice,
Skip Double Impact, at any price.
No, no, no, my friends:
Go see JCVD instead--!
